Dear future hubster,
I know it's been a while. Not sure if I have to explain why, with your being entirely a product of my imagination, I guess I also get to decide what you already know, but yeah, new country new job new life etc. Having to learn where the best/cheapest/least crowded supermarket is, and how their checkout process works, and deciding if I'm willing to put up with their less than ideal workflows. Having to learn the metro directions (why does every big city have a weird circle line that can get you to the same place in 14 or 40 minutes depending on which way you go?), and to not rely on Google maps when it comes to the tram, and rather using the local transport system's app (I don't want to download another app, please, and don't even try with your QR code menus). Having to navigate keyboard distributions that are contradictory, while 4 languages are being spoken around me, 2 of which I speak and 2 of which I kinda understand so I can't really tune them out. Alternating (rollercoastering) between "oh this is actually interesting cool work that I am passionate about" and standard imposter syndrome routines of " how is this relevant to anything that matters, and even if it is, am I doing it right?". Taking two months to make it to a yoga class and then wanting to cry at the opening om because that's not how I'm used to doing it and there's only so many adjustments I can handle.
Having to make new friends. I don't want to do the work, I just want new friends to magically come to existence, like they actually often do in my incredibly privileged life; they just pop up and bring their magic. The magic I want and desperately need, we all do, the laughters the hugs the crys, the ice cream the coffee the fries, the music the colours the light. The simple, quiet presence, when all else fails.
Because, dear future hubster, honeybun, bebe, the world is on fire. Disasters and numbing crises one after the other on top of each other; unspeakable horrors right before our eyes. It's not often that I can't find words; nowadays, I am completely at loss. Nothing in any language I speak can do justice - justice, in particular, seems to have lost meaning. My usual way of processing things, good or bad, is talking about them, so what do I do now that the words don't come?
Jason (one of my many musician boyfriends as you know) has always said that love is still the answer, and... I don't know anymore. Maybe he's right, but... maybe we just don't know how?
How do we love in this world?
How do we live in this world?
