Friday, April 26, 2013

Dear future hubster,
I've been diagnosed with a severe case of wanderlust long ago. You need to know that this is a permanent condition and thus doesn't get healed. Sometimes the symptoms are milder, but that's temporary. We need to travel; I love being somewhere else, I love exploring the unknown and taking a piece of it with me. Would you go with me?

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Dear future hubster,
ever since I came back from Spain, I'm being told or asked, with a more or less surprised undertone, how much weight I've lost. I don't really know, as I go by the famous hit of Die Sömetings: You Don't Need the Bathroom Scale Anymore, but yeah, quite a bit. The more or less surprised tone usually goes on to tell me how much better I look now.
First I was flattered, sometimes a bit uncomfortable (I know people look at other people's body, but it's somehow not a conversation topic for me. I can tell if you're reading my boobs, but won't mention it.). Then it got me thinking, because it reoccurred so many times, and always with the same message: you look so good _now_. Don't get me wrong, they were all very friendly and appreciative about it, but still, it sounded more and more like they were implying the "old" me didn't look good. Because the "old" me was heavier.
Two things bother me about this. One, the obvious body image problem. I'm pretty connected with my body, even more so since Spain, and I like it. I'm not sure it likes me back all the time, but I try to be nice to my body. And yes, I like looking at it more nowadays, but hey! this is a very dangerous cliché and I refuse to believe that my body can only be considered beautiful if it fits size 38. (I was going to drag the even more cliché Jennifer Lopez into this, but then I realized, she probably does fit size 38.) It is dangerous for me at size 42, but also at size 36. I don't want to spend my life watching in the mirror if I'm still pretty today or I shouldn't have had the last slice of that garlic bread yesterday. And yes, I know, I should not care about what everybody thinks, but that's easier said than done. Especially when even their compliments carry an evaluation.
Second: I very rarely get complimented on achievements I consider more important and put more effort in. People don't stop you to tell you how amazed they are that you, I don't know, have a job, manage to keep paying your bills, speak languages. Do they think it's more difficult to lose weight than it is to hold your own in a foreign country, learn to drive, not die of a broken heart, make and keep friends, figuring out what you want or accepting you have no idea?

(PS. I've checked. Jennifer Lopez is 2cms and 1kg less than I am, so she can probably fit size 38 but then she doesn't eat or breath.)

Monday, April 22, 2013

Dear future hubster,
the problem is that I keep writing our story while you're not only not here, but also have no idea that we even have a story. And then you come home and don't act as I'd expect you to and I'm upset and disappointed because our story, the one I was writing while you were away and oblivious to my existence, doesn't mean the same to you.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Dear future hubster,
there are several reasons why I insisted that this winter-to-summer-tyre-business should be your job. One of them is that I'm really gifted at getting bruised and now I look like you've beaten me. Again.

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Dear future hubster,
whenever you want to pop the question: my friends know where to get the ring.

Friday, April 5, 2013

Dear future hubster,
I know that once you're home, there will be no more Friday nights spent watching Desperate Housewives on my own. And I won't mind that.