Not dating material

Dear future hubster,

I really hope you are a creative one, and have a solid plan for meeting me. Because here's a hint: that good (?) old dating thing ain't gonna work with me.

I'm not even sure I understand what "dating" means, but I do know the idea stresses me out. When I (finally) meet you, dear future hubster, I want to feel comfortable. I want it to be simple and relaxing. Ok, relaxing could mean that I'm screaming my lungs out because you took me to an amusement park and we are on a rollercoaster (excellent idea, by the way), or that I swear like a trucker (I'm no lady, you'd better get used to it), because my everything hurts because we are climbing a wall. Or because I can't figure out how to put together that sneaky piece of Ikea furniture, and NO! I don't need you to fix it for me. Just let me have my moment.  

But please, please don't put me in a situation where I have to dress up and go to some lovely restaurant and pretend I have manners. Don't get me wrong, I love dressing up and there is nothing wrong with lovely restaurants (I like food, too), and on occasions I can actually be well-mannered, but... _knowing_ that it's a date and I will be measured and evaluated is just terrifying. 

You will probably have to date me without me noticing. Or, you know, you could just... come home.  Honestly, if food has to be involved in my evaluation, we're both better off if I cook.