Dear future hubster

Dear future hubster, when your future wife feels like her life is a carousel spinning out of control, when all the things once wished for and then forgotten come at her all at once, and sometimes even ones never wished for, when all decisions need to be taken, except that by the time they are taken they are also outdated and need to be put on hold and/or reconsidered, when she feels so dizzy that she just wants to hold onto something, and preferably sleep through it all, not only because she's a natural conflict avoider but also because the continuous turmoil her mind is exposed to drains her body from all energy -  when you see her in that state, do you know what to do? Just hold her. Her world is spinning and her head is a very noisy place. Hold her, close, tight, steady, until the noises quiet down and the spinning stops. Be her anchor. For enhanced results, you might turn on the fake fireplace you have on your TV.

Dear future hubster, so far, I have used the fridge to stick disputably useful notes, love messages, and tacky magnets. But you know what? It may be about time to get a whiteboard in my kitchen. One of these immaculate, big, shiny and reassuring boards, where all thoughts, plans, wishes, grocery shopping list could be easily displayed, prioritized, and catalogued. I have the impression that my head is becoming too small for everything I want to fit in it. Does it ever happen to you? Or is it something that only us women have been blessed with?  This capacity of thinking about three different things at the same time, while doing at least another two completely unrelated tasks at the very same time. Anyway, when you come home you will probably see me drinking wine and scrabbling on my board, trying to get some sense out of the week's schedule, my ideas and the bureaucratic deadlines. Get some wine and a marker, and help me cross out the things that you will do, those we wi...

Dear future hubster,  some days, all I want from you is to talk to me. Talk to me with all the words, beautiful in their sound, beautiful in their meaning, beautiful because you say them to me.  We can build our own fort in the living room, our fort of words. You build the walls, I'll bring the furniture. You make it stand, I make it cozy. And then we move in, to our fort of words, and read them to each other. I read your words back to you, you read my words back to me, until we no longer know who said what and it doesn't matter because it's all warm and soft and safe and we never want to leave.

Dear future hubster, you know how every Valentine's day I roll my eyes and say something like #FutureNotFlowers or "Send a girl to school"?  It wouldn't be any different this year - were you around - as I would tell you that instead of spending an evening in a restaurant crowded with couples either smug or uncomfortable, getting probably overprized food while trying to not judge everybody around us, we should offer the same amount of money to do something good with it. Thing is, we can. Thing is, I already have. Not only because you're not around so I don't need to look for heart-shaped business card holders or edible underwear, but also because you would like this idea , and you would donate too, and then we would have sent two girls to school.  We can make dinner at home. I'll wear red if you'd like. 

Dear future hubster, that "believe in yourself" mantra, I think that's a bit of a myth. Some people never lost their initial, unchallenged belief of their worth, but the rest of us, we have to learn again. And it doesn't just happen because you keep telling yourself all the good things. Even other people telling you all the good things is not going to make you believe. If you're a fellow beneficiary of the impostor syndrome, it might just make you feel like you're faking everything.  What does make a difference though is when people tell you things without those nice words. Unplanned, instinctively. When they look at you and it's obvious that they see beauty. When they giggle uncontrollably. When they wake up crying from a bad dream, and they tell you what it was about. When they ask you important and complicated questions because they are certain you know the answer. When they count on you because they know they can. When they show up for you on sm...