It's times like these when my faith I feel

Dear future hubster,

for a very long time I didn't understand why the concept of having a crush was forced on me by life. I didn't understand why I need to be tortured with butterflies and sleepless nights for something that doesn't go anywhere. For something, that in all fairness may not even exist but in my head.

But the thing is, it's good for you! We all know how it feels when you want to impress somebody. You want them to realize you are the best thing they can have. 

You make an effort to look good (mind you, swahili has an actual verb for that), but that's the least of it. You want to appear smart, and funny, and entertaining, educated, witty, caring, independent, sporty. You want to be a good cook, a good listener, a good friend, you want to be motivational, supportive, blunt, honest, accepting, kind, curious, intriguing. 

You want to be everything they would find attractive. 

Except, you probably don't have the faintest idea what they find attractive. So all those things you want to be for them is actually your idea of being a good, a better version of yourself.

And you make all those efforts, and they may or may not acknowledge your existence, but at the meantime you acknowledge the existence of your own better version. And that's quite a revelation, and a reassuring one at that. "I'm a person I find attractive!".

(Disclaimer: no revelation, no matter how reassuring, can make the eventual rejection sting any less. Just sayin'.)