You always had it in you

Dear future hubster,

can we stop for a moment and reflect a bit on the famous notion of "if it doesn't kill you it makes me stronger"? For many of its aspects require clarification.

To begin with: nobody needs to get any stronger. We already are strong enough. Difficult situations don't make us stronger; we get through them because we have the strength We just have been fortunate not having to test just how strong we really are. What those hard times do though is to empower  - they make you realize just how much you can deal with, and how. That you don't need to get that strength from somewhere - you just need to display it sometimes. Some being the key word. If you feel that you have to be strong all the time, something is seriously wrong. 

Another misinterpretation is that not saying that something is hard means you are strong. It doesn't. It just means you're doing yourself a disservice. By not acknowledging the difficulty, you're making yourself feel guilty for struggling with it. By not acknowledging it to others you're setting yourself up for a permanently diffuclt condition: your handling it will be taken for granted. 

Accepting and expressing that something is hard does take that strength you probably didn't know you had. It's not easy to say "it's not easy"! But it also sends a powerful message, much more so than just clenching your teeth and getting it over with. A message, loud and clear, saying: This is hard for me but I'm going to deal with it anyway. Because I have the strength in me. 

(I know I know. You have a pretty damn sophisticated future wife here.)